My Religion

I  am an introvert. I thrive in solitude . I hunger for it . When I say solitude , I mean , optional solitude. Being alone by choice . Not the kind of solitude imposed  on Al Capone and other notorious criminals  when they were condemned at the   Alcatraz  prison in the USA  .Nor is it  the kind of solitude that nature  has bestowed  on the natives  of   La Rinconada ,  a town surrounded by permanently frozen glacier  in the Peruvian Andes. At 17,000 feet above sea level , it is one of the farthest  and most inaccessible inhabited   places  on earth .

Not that kind. What I  mean is  the kind of solitude that I can get out of whenever I want to---without any threat  to my safety .

No , I am not   a depressed , lonely person . Far from that . I derive happiness from  the emptiness of  a room .  I feel  genuine pleasure  when I hear my  own footsteps  as I walk alone  in a  park on early mornings. I hold my breath in  delighted suspense as I flip through the pages of  an unearthed  book in a basement .

My room is not  necessarily  quiet . I go for loud  rock music.  I love Guns ‘N Roses , The Beatles  and Bruce Springsteen. I alternate their music with that of Tracy Chapman  and  Jason Mraz . That makes it clear . An introvert  like me does not necessarily go for Beethoven or Bach . Some do . I don’t.

I am not a misanthrope.  I don’t hate people. I like people but in  dribs and drabs . I have  friends , but I don’t hang out with  all of them at the same time in one single place . I prefer to meet them in small clusters. A  cozy , intimate talk with one  or two  friends is better  for me  than a shallow  chatter with a crowd of acquaintances . I avoid big social gatherings that have no professional value . After an hour in a party , I get depressed . Something in my core starts yearning  for solitude .  After two hours , I may get suicidal .So , if I try to leave a party early , please don’t stop me . Unless you want me dead.

  Like extraverts , I can interact well  with people . I can develop healthy relationships with colleagues  at work. Contrary to stereotypes ,  I am not shy nor do  I  feel inferior .  I can confidently  give a speech or a presentation , if I want to.  Or if my boss twists my arms into it. 

             I am often silent . But don't be fooled by my silence . I can have a conversation with you  for hours on a topic we mutually enjoy. I am not often seen .  But  don’t be fooled by my  invisibility . Never.  I can hear everything , from the faintest echo  to the  loudest cry  . I  can see everything , from the flimsiest cobweb  to the most cunningly hidden motive  . I take everything in. Everything. Then I reflect on it, usually with amusement , when I  retreat  to the  temple  of ---  as  the great English writer  Aldous Huxley aptly puts it ---the religion  of solitude.